The Authentic Executive’s Guide to Developing Gravitas
How to exude executive presence and command respect by being your whole self at work
Maybe she’s born with it…
Or maybe it’s a thoughtfully developed skillset.
Gravitas.
It’s often perceived as an elusive quality that is seemingly bestowed at birth. You either have it, or you don’t, which simply isn’t true.
Gravitas has less to do with you as an individual and more to do with how you interact and relate to others. It’s all about perception.
Sure, there are naturally charismatic people, but anyone can develop gravitas with practice.
It’s giving “caw!” (Photo by Cristina Glebova)
What is gravitas?
It’s that hard-to-put-a-finger-on quality that makes you lean in and listen when someone speaks.
It’s a foundation of leadership and an important quality to develop in your career.
Sometimes called “executive presence,” gravitas is the ability to command respect, be taken seriously, and have people pay attention to your ideas and contributions.
Those with gravitas are perceived as leaders, regardless of their position.
One of my favourite encapsulations of gravitas is in a Brooklyn 99 episode. Terry, a sergeant in New York City, tells a coworker that someone respects you when you can pause while speaking and they wait for you to continue your thought.
It’s captivating as hell.
Qualities of Gravitas
Understanding who you are, what you want, and your values
Authenticity is key for developing gravitas. “Faking it till you make it” is unsustainable in the long term and will hinder your ability to speak up and stand by your convictions. So, how do you develop authenticity?
The first step is understanding your values. Your values drive your priorities and define what you believe is important in daily life. What are you passionate about? What is the foundation of your belief systems?
Bonus! If you’re interested in a self-guided values exercise, there’s one at the end of this blog post.
Next, it’s important to understand what you want. Understanding what you want for yourself, your peers, and your future makes it easier to have conviction in specific scenarios. Consider: what are your personal and professional goals? How do you want to achieve these goals?
Disclaimer: Not every work environment is safe for genuine authenticity. Vulnerability is a very real part of authenticity, so a supportive and accepting culture is a must before people can show up as themselves. If the office culture isn’t open to diverse perspectives and lived experiences, then the ability to speak the truth is hindered. If you’re currently in an environment like this, don’t worry! You can still develop gravitas while protecting yourself (keep reading), and new opportunities will arise that allow you to step fully into your authentic self at work.
Clear and concise communication
Gravitas is all about communicating that people need to listen to your contributions. The way you share your thoughts and ideas indicates to others how they should react to you.
Use an appropriate volume of speech
Speaking at an appropriate volume impacts how others will respond to your input. Vocal volume contributes to how well you can communicate with others, as it shapes the perception of your intended meaning. Consider the venue, audience, and what you want them to take away from the conversation.
Are you in a small conference room speaking to executives? Or are you in a large space speaking to all employees? Are you hosting a meeting online? These factors impact the volume necessary to capture and hold attention. Most often, a middle-ground volume is best.
For example, if you speak too softly, people are more likely to talk over you. If you speak too loudly, people won’t pay attention to your words — only your volume. Practice speaking at a conversational volume, and observe how much more confident and sure of yourself you sound.
Pay attention to your cadence and tone
Similar to volume, the speed at which you communicate influences reception.
Speaking too quickly signals nervousness or impatience, which negatively impacts the power of your words. Also, use a steady inflection. If you raise your voice at the end of a sentence, it reads as a question, which alludes to uncertainty.
Instead, speak at a steady pace and utilize pauses to draw attention to the importance of your most recent statement. Use a neutral and positive tone when speaking to portray confidence and command attention.
This guy’s got it. (Photo by Jack Dong.)
Thoughtful word choice
Word choice also carries clues for how people will receive your message.
Don’t use filler words such as “um, uh, like, er,” etc. Filler words are widespread in speech, but they can minimize the impact of your statement. They show uncertainty in what you’re stating. If you’re speaking and being thoughtful about your delivery, simply pause instead of using a filler word. That will demonstrate mindfulness rather than hesitation. Better yet, practice what you want to say for clear delivery.
Avoid diminishing language such as “just,” “I feel” or “I think.” Also known as weak language, these words diminish your authority and confidence. If you don’t seem confident in what you’re saying, how can you expect someone else to be?
Get in the habit of utilizing strong language to replace common diminishing phrases:
“I’m confident…”
“I’m optimistic…”
“I expect…”
Own your professional autonomy
It’s common to feel obligated to justify your decisions or over-explain your actions, especially to authority figures. However, owning your actions is important to project gravitas and command respect.
I used to be guilty of this, especially as I was still working on developing gravitas. When I did lots of on-site client work, one day, I had a ton to do that required uninterrupted focus. Unfortunately, the client’s office was often distracting and noisy. Luckily, my own office was only a few blocks away, so I headed there to complete my tasks.
The client CEO messaged me, asking where I was. I felt the urge to explain, in detail, why I decided to shift location. After typing out a whole message over-sharing my thought process, it ended up reading as asking for forgiveness. I didn’t need forgiveness; I had taken control to complete my work efficiently. I am an expert in this field and have professional autonomy. So, I deleted my long message and simply told her that I was in my office around the corner doing some heads-down work. She said, “Okay! See you later,” and that was the end of it. If I had maintained my assumption of her judgment (where none existed), I would have seriously undermined my authority and expertise.
Be direct, don’t assume judgment, and take ownership of your choices as a professional.
Mindful participation
We all know that coworker who speaks up in every meeting solely to say something, even if it doesn’t contribute meaningfully to the conversation.
To develop gravitas, be mindful of when and how you share your thoughts and ideas. It’s better to be the person who doesn’t speak often, but when they do, everyone listens rather than getting tuned out.
Show up as your best self (aka presentation)
Whether you’re working from home, in a corporate office, or in a casual work environment, show up as your best. Note, I’m not saying “dress professionally” because we all know that is often coded language for a wide array of -isms (racism, sexism, ageism, etc.)
Dress in a way that makes you feel like your most confident self. When you feel like a badass, you’ll be perceived as one. How we show up in the world tells others who we are and how to relate to us. Since gravitas is all about respect and interpersonal communication, having visual cues of how you want to be treated can go a long way.
Note you can dress casually and still project confidence and ease within yourself. Be intentional about it and carry yourself as if you’re on top of the world. And don’t apologize for your appearance — ever. It draws attention to your personally perceived flaws that likely would have escaped notice otherwise.
Some tips:
Look put together. You don’t have to be dressed to the nines, just dress with intention. Wear what makes you feel confident in yourself, as how you feel has more impact on perception than how you look. People pick up on what you’re projecting.
Pay attention to your non-verbal communication:
Make eye contact, even on Zoom calls. It’s 100% clockable when you’re distracted.
Have good posture (if you’re reading this hunched over your laptop: sit up, roll your shoulders back, and lift your chin up.)
When standing, ensure a confident stance with two feet planted firmly on the ground. You’re entitled to take up space.
Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, control, and use your own emotions to communicate positively and empathize with others. It comes with a deep understanding of yourself and your feelings. This varied skill set makes overcoming challenges easier and allows you to diffuse conflict with ease.
Mutual Respect
When you understand your own feelings and have empathy, you’re able to establish mutual trust and respect with people. Trust is incredibly important to developing gravitas because when people trust you, they can respect you, which makes them pay attention to your ideas.
Social Awareness
Understanding your own emotional responses makes it easier to engage with others and be open-minded to new perspectives. Through social awareness, you pick up on social norms quickly and can locate your place within the social fabric. Workplaces are communities, so having a secure sense of how you fit in makes it easier to garner respect.
Influence
Influence is an important aspect of gravitas. Many clients of mine have expressed hesitation to practice influence, as they associate it with malicious manipulation.
Influence isn’t about getting someone to do something they don’t want to; it’s about convincing someone to understand your point of view. Influence, much like gravitas, is entirely about relationships and is crucial for a successful career.
How to be influential:
Understand the outcome you want from the situation.
Respect others. Enable them to have a voice.
Be thoughtful about how the information will be received by the recipient.
Convince through action: Your actions speak louder than words. Be aware of the subtle signals you send with your actions, especially when they don’t align with what you say.
Maintain a holistic view of the situation.
Be honest and trustworthy.
Courage & Integrity
Courage is a tricky subject for many people! So many of us battle imposter syndrome (myself included). I’m consistently surprised by how many executives and CEOs I work with express feelings of inadequacy. These are brilliant people, many of whom intimidate me!
Imposter syndrome lies to us, whispering in our ears that we aren’t qualified or ready to take the next step. It’s important to remember that courage isn’t blind confidence; it’s being scared and doing the right thing anyway. Being courageous allows you to stand firm in your values and adds to your aura of gravitas.
When you have integrity, you’ll be forced to be courageous. Integrity is being honest and unified in your perspective. To honour your integrity, you’ll have to speak your truth and follow through on your promises, which takes courage.
Having integrity also builds self-esteem via courageous actions, bolstering confidence. Knowing that you have stood by your convictions builds your confidence. But let’s not confuse confidence with ego.
People can find themselves in a “confidence trap,” which is a lot like imposter syndrome. When you’re too focused on being perceived as confident, you always strive to be more confident than your current self. If caught in a confidence trap, you’ll often feel less-than, which drives self-focus and self-importance. These qualities actually hinder your gravitas. Being confident is not about being right all the time. A confident person can admit their mistakes and grow from them, improving their self-perception and influencing how others perceive them.
Your Gravitas Guide:
(yours to save, print, and share!)
Gravitas is a skill set that takes practice and intention to develop. Feel free to reference this blog post often as you grow your gravitas. If you want additional help, reach out to me for coaching sessions!
If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your peers, team, and friends.
Self-Guided Values Exercise:
Want to better understand your values? Work through this ten-minute exercise.
Understanding your core values is a great way to kickstart your gravitas development practice.
Take two minutes to review the list below of common values, and jot down the ten you feel most aligned with. Don’t think too hard about which to select; follow your intuition!
After you’ve identified your top ten values, narrow the list down. Select the four values that most closely reflect your personal and business values. This should take about a minute.
Now, take your four top values and take two minutes per value. Close your eyes, and consider what the value means to you and how you feel when reflecting upon the word. Jot these thoughts down.
Now you have your core values identified and established! Referencing your core values is a great way to evaluate opportunities and make hard decisions.
